Sleep

I really don't want to sleep. I know I need to. Sleep helps me remember things, avoid headaches, and make my happy disposition authentic rather than posed. But tonight my soul feels restless, aching for me to ponder and think and reach some great epiphany, or to quit avoiding emotions I have locked away and let them permeate my being, bringing me to a point of inspiration, desperation, depression, closure, insanity, sanity, or any state other than fruitless restlessness. Or maybe I am falsely internalizing the restlessness and it is my body that feels out of step. I wouldn't blame it, I have stayed up all night the past two nights, catching random hours of sleep during the day and still trying to participate in life like a normal, well-rested human being. But I feel that this restlessness  is in my soul. It's not that anything is wrong, it's just that I feel as though I am stretching to feel and know something, but there's nothing there to grasp and fill the void or placate my heart and mind. I need something or someone. Maybe I should go write some powerful love poem, conjuring up feelings I felt more acutely and poignantly in the past and drift into a state of nostalgia and longing, eventually making my heart ache and lulling me to sleep. Or perhaps I should fill my night with completing projects I've assigned myself and greet the morning at a new level of sleep deprivation, but more importantly at a new level and sense of accomplishment. No, what I want and what I think I need tonight is another soul to keep mine company. Just someone to listen to the thoughts that jumble my brain upside-down and inside-out, and someone to understand the emotions of longing, loss, worry, hurt, anticipation, and intense that I would never dare admit feeling in the throes of bright daylight. Or maybe I have series of someones that would work, but I am longing for a specific someone. But alas, I am too frightened or simply too lazy to even wonder if there is a soul out there to keep mine company, and this blog post has accomplished my purpose in writing it as my drooping eyes are suddenly more important than my restless soul. All I know is it's frustrating and leads to a restless soul when you have an immeasurable amount of love for someone,but you're not even sure if that person desires your love anymore, so you don't give it to that person, but keep waiting for the moment you will finally be able to. Thank goodness the human body needs rest before the soul does, because if that were not the case, this blog post would be the length of a novel and I would not be contemplating who will be in my dreams tonight. And if you're up with a restless soul, go to bed. Life is always bright and beautiful in the morning.